Silly season

In Spanish they have a phrase to describe crazy people..."como una cabra", as mad as a goat. And it just so happens that in cycling terms this is the time of the year when people go a little crazy, make mad decisions or lose their focus and become as mad as a goat. I'm talking from personal experience here because I've gone a little 'loco' myself in Autumn time. 

It can happen easily. There are a number of ways to lose sight of who you are. The easiest is food. Think about it... you have avoided the Rissoles or Taco chips from Christmas to September. You have denied yourself everything in order to climb hills like Sepp Kuss. By August your arms are so skinny you shop for T-shirts in the kids section of Penney's and your ribs are so visible that even a rampant, starving Grizzly bear would pass you by for lunch. 

Then along comes Autumn. Never mind that your DNA tells you to store for the Winter like your knuckle-dragging Neolithic ancestors. Never mind that you are taking a few weeks off after a tough season. You shouldn't deny yourself a treat. You deserve that cake! It only becomes a problem when you can't see, let alone fasten your shoes. You should heed the warning signs early; They range from the local takeaway answering the phone and knowing your name, to spotting stretch marks in your cycling clothing, to using beer as a recovery drink. Look, we'll never do an Ullrich on it and heat a jar of Nutella in the microwave for a hot chocolate... but it can be tough. A few extra pounds gives you a training goal, a few extra stone makes you an advertising billboard. The point of no return is when an Astronaut on the International Space Station can read the sponsor's name on the ass of your shorts.

Another problem is the weather. Right now I'm writing this in late October and it is fifteen degrees outside. I've still only worn gloves and overshoes a couple of times. Many days if I wore Winter gear I'd be a human mushroom tunnel. But I just happen to be a big fan of Autumn. I love long spins immersed in the leaves, the puddles, the crunch of beech-tree nuts under my wheels, yet best practice says don't go too far, don't do long climbs etc. My logic tells me to get out there and revel in it. 

So it is no wonder that some cyclists get back into it around now and train so hard that by Christmas they are more cooked than the turkey and their season is also stuffed. Easily done. Try Cyclocross and MTB if you need to go full gas. Hopefully your legs won't be two over-boiled noodles in March as a result. 

 There are two other things to help curb your enthusiasm; Either try waiting until the real Winter kicks in, when ground temperatures don't allow it to become mild, when the sun just can't do it's thing anymore. Then you'll feel awesome after completing a ride against the elements. Overshoes full of freezing rain water, fingers numbed to perfection, ice-cream headaches and soggy tights are where real men are made. Alternatively, just ask your partner to hide your chainset until December. 

Don't coach yourself! Get yourself outside advice... Or if you coach yourself, be honest and ask yourself what needs to improve? Everyone needs tweaking. Ain't nobody perfect. Are you a closet Sam Bennett? Fair play! If, however, your best sprints are to the fridge, you may need some help in getting you up there for an auld bunch gallop. Can you still ride hard at the end of 100km? Fair play! If however you get to watch the bunch disappear up the road quicker than a vexed ex, then maybe a coach can help? A personal trainer can save you from yourself. And don't be afraid. The best coach I ever had didn't wear a lab coat or prick my fingers for blood samples. He wasn't called Ludwig and didn't have crazy, electric hair either. Why not leave masks and latex gloves for date night and just start by listening to a Trainer? Often a phrase, idea or tiny bit of sage advice is all that is needed to make a breakthrough. After all, at this point in the year, FTP should stand for Find Time to Pause. 

Do I drive myself demented by fitting mudguards? I know this is a divisive subject. Me? Not a fan. I grew up getting covered in shite all over the southeast and going home unrecognisable was part of the allure of Winter riding. If Sean Kelly didn't need 'em, I didn't. Plus, Winter usually throws biblical weather at us. So keeping my face/ lower body clean is only scratching the surface. Personally, when I'm soaked from head to toe and my nether regions are frozen, mudguards mean little. Plus, if I'm on the front, I don't need to worry, do I?

And as major issues go, what about... hairy legs? Ah the Autumn, where golden leaves fall, where the fields lie dormant. So we don't shave the legs because we don't have to. All part of relaxing into November. And then it's been two months and it takes a pack of ALDI razors to remove the growth. You clog the shower and your legs feel lighter. Just please don't let it run until New Year's. That my friends, is a different kettle of fish entirely. By then your leg hair is catching in your chain and you resemble a Neanderthal when stepping into your jeans. Shaving at this point is akin to deforestation. Your Remington hair and beard trimmer will need to be charged again after attacking just one of your Yeti legs. And don't even get me started on leaving your legs unshaven until the race season starts. I know a farming contractor that wouldn't take on that job. Shaving after 6 months is akin to silage season crossed with a slasher movie. Good luck to you!

So if you don't want to be as crazy as a goat, [or as hairy as one] and would rather be a GOAT [Greatest Of All Time] then listen to common sense. There is a big difference between being committed to your sport and being committed because of your sport. Winter well !