Cycling in the cold.

YES INDEEDY! 'Tis the season for temperatures lower than a snakes belly. 'Tis slippery than a gypsy's handshake and more dangerous than a cornered Kinahan. Love cycling but hate the cold? Me too! But we all want to get out there and enjoy our sport so here is Joe's guide to getting the best out of cycling when it is bleedin' Baltic! 

My first piece of advice about going out in the cold is... don't go out! If you are of a nervous disposition and might be freaked out every single time you see the glisten of frost, then just leave it. You'll frighten those around you with your blood-curdling screeches of "ICE!!!" and "F**K!" Sheep will roll over and die, squirrels will drop their nuts. So stump for the Zwift subscription or get a dog-eared copy of the blue book from the '90's and take your turbo to the garage, or shed or spare room and get sweaty. As long as you get some cycling done it doesn't matter. 

If you do want to go out, then do your homework! Your brain is a great computer, so hit up all the weather Apps, work out ground temperatures, wind, precipitation etc. and let your head work out the safety algorithm. Use all the devices you have at hand. Especially if yer man on RTE tells you it'll be calm and warm.[ You know it'll be windy and Artic.] With all the technology you'll feel like an air-traffic controller mixed with a Sub-Saharan drug mule crossed with the Matrix. But you'll be prepared.

Clothing is key. Don't over-do it but do over-think it. You don't have to dress like a bear. Tom Crean didn't. Sometimes the best gloves for the cold are Aldi bought. Sometimes that balaclava from your Republican days is better than Helly Hansen stuff. Sometimes two pairs of socks works better than Merino wool offerings. And sometimes lots of thin layers beats the 500 euro offering from Rapha or Castelli. Besides, everyone knows 400 of that price is just to pay for the advertising! And God forbid, if you do have a fall, that crazy-expensive jacket will be worthless and you'll be trying to wash it with your own tears.

The bike needs to be ready too. You'll need beefy, Massey-Ferguson tyres and everything working perfectly. A five-minute puncture fix in summer can become a near-death-experience when its freezing. So don't have a fiddly saddle bag that is impossible to open either. Frozen fingers become hams! Picture yourself losing your mind while fumbling for tiny tools by the roadside, your rage rising, while whimpering like a child. Oh, and don't forget those decent, fully-charged lights! Who cares if you flash-blind motorists or cause Aeroplanes to be diverted!

Thankfully the frosty weather allows us to eat. So eat more, and eat more often, when out on the bike. In fact, eat like Santa on Christmas eve or Snoop Dogg with the munchies. The cold is taking away your energy unbeknownst to yourself. So top up and don't end up with a hunger knock. Cyclists have a bad enough name without wandering the road dizzy, drooling and cross-eyed with hunger, chewing their own tongue. The cold can hit you like a lead pipe. And drink! An old friend of mine used to put warm herbal tea in his bottle. At least don't run the tap for ages before filling your bottles or it will be a solid ice cube after an hour.

Short is the new long. Don't do the epic 4-hour ride you'd like to. Cut it short to stay safe. The cold snap won't last long but illness might. So what if you feel great, beating your chest and boasting on Strava that you are putting in epic rides to the detriment of your family in minus 3 degrees? Really, you are just a little demented.

Get mucky! If the roads are really bad, like... whiter than Pablo Escobar's product line, get out the mountain/ gravel or cyclocross bike and go all Neanderthal in the woods or on the trails. It should be safer, the landings softer and the satisfaction of being dirty and exhausted is hard to beat.

But hey, no matter what you do to keep your cycling going through the perma-frost, do it safely and remember none of us are turning pro so we don't have to go training and risk our lives. Enjoy!